Once safely installed in your toilet cubicle the golden chalice is finally placed on the throne to a sigh of pure heavenly content. The worries of the whole world fall away as a wave of sheer relief crashes down into the pan. But Grandma was right and her words repeat on a loop in the head "Always have a tissue dear". What! Where has the bloody toilet roll gone? The person who invented the commercial toilet roll dispenser must possess the most perverted sense of humour ever! Trying to fish out the end of the roll is like tickling salmon, but with a slightly less success rate! Good old Grandma!
At 59 I have found that breakfast has become somewhat of a reality check on the aging process. At 10 years old `Smartie people were happy people` or at least innocently oblivious to the fact that another form of Smartie pill would come along when older. I counted SIX this morning! Round ones, oblong ones, white ones, orange ones...vitamins, probiotic supplements and my `jungle juice' (well, that's what my GP calls it). I had felt quite isolated with this self confession until a friend produced right in front of me her `pill container' which consisted of a medley of tablets capable of putting an elephant to sleep! Of course I exaggerate, the box in fact contained only those `well woman' wonder pills that we all seem to need when menopause strikes and our bodies turn into an alien life form. Thank God for the '3 for 2 offers' we constantly see! But I do often wonder how our great grandmothers coped with only having Guinness and Ginseng to rely on....ooh, hello?
In my aging years I have found that watching TV isn't as relaxing as it once was. Life seemed so simple when we had just three channels and the scary test card girl who always freaked me out. For now, the TV beast sits proudly waiting for instructions from the two remote controls I tentatively hold. Why in heaven's name do they not warn you what NOT to press on those things! I had to sit through a complete episode of Endeavour with the bloody description audio on until I'd worked out what I'd done! And have you ever touched the mute button unknowingly? I think less said about that the better!!
And it's not just the TV that seems to create a disproportionate amount of confusion, my mobile phone also contains a wonderment of options that constantly have me flummoxed.
It sometimes feels literally like I have 'my life in my own hands' and it's not always a good thing! But that is worthy of another Blog my friends!